Issue 12: Why healthy discourse is necessary to build stronger teams
Let's agree to disagree
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If you’ve been in a leadership role long enough, you’ve probably found yourself in a room where something didn’t sit right.
Maybe it was a decision, a direction, or something that was said that didn’t reflect your experience. You felt it in your gut that this was your moment to speak up, but the moment passed.
Maybe you deferred to someone more senior. Perhaps you were waiting to be called on, or maybe you told yourself your perspective didn’t carry enough weight.
Later, you replay the meeting, wishing you had said something because it could have moved the needle. And now, that decision impacts your work or team—and you must live with it.
It happens more than you think. You know, that Zoom meeting with 20 windows but only 2-3 talking heads?
It’s a recurring theme I come across in conversations with managers. I’ll ask why they didn’t speak up, and the reasons tend to follow a familiar script:
“It just didn’t feel like the right time.”
“I wasn’t sure how it would land.”
“It felt uncomfortable.”
Here’s the truth: discomfort is baked into the job. Not every room will feel safe, but tough conversations are where change starts. Healthy discourse is a leadership obligation, it advances the work, sharpens the thinking, and, when done well, builds trust.
Confrontation ≠ combat
Challenging ideas doesn’t mean challenging people. However, it’s important to ensure that the tone in which they are delivered isn’t perceived as combative.
Some phrases I lean on:
“From my experience…”
“On my team, we’ve found…”
“I feel like there’s something we may be missing…”
They’re anchors rooted in your perspective in lived and anecdotal experience, and they invite others to engage rather than shut down and invite discussion.
Of course it’s important to be prepared to speak to the reasons as to why and be able to back it up.
One thing to note is that not everyone receives critique or divergent points of view gracefully. That’s their work, not yours. Stay curious, stay professional, keep the conversation on the work.
Share context
There’s no one-size-fits-all playbook. The way you manage might look different than someone else, and that’s the at the core of diverse teams. Build context around how your team works. Share what’s worked for you and the kinds of results you’ve seen.
A few examples:
How you navigate prioritization:
“On our team, we noticed designers were being pulled into too many low-priority asks. We created a shared intake doc with product partners to align early and cut down on fire drills. Within a quarter, team velocity improved and designers felt more ownership.”
Bringing clarity during ambiguity:
“We were handed a really broad AI initiative with no clear brief. Instead of jumping into solutions, we spent a week mapping user jobs and technical constraints. That helped us align across disciplines and honestly, saved us months of back and forth.”
When you tried something new that paid off:
“One of our newer designers was nervous about speaking in cross-functional reviews. We ran a dry run the day before and had her present a small section. The next meeting, she led the whole thing. Now it’s just part of our rhythm.”
Sharing insight and context can be the difference between someone shutting down or being open to trying something new.
The point isn’t to say this is the only way.
It’s to say: this is what we’ve seen work.
Ultimately, we all want to build great things. And that means being open to trying different tactics, even when they feel uncomfortable at first.
Silence has a cost
When context that can shape or guide a discussion stays in your head, the team may risk committing to a solve for the wrong problem.
If you’re not speaking up whether to flag a concern or spotlight your team’s impact you’re leaving both trust and visibility on the table. If no one knows you were behind it, how can you be recognized for your impact and expertise?
Staying silent cannot only hinder your team but also prevent you from having opportunities to lead and grow.
See something? Say something and support
All this to say, these habits take practice.
Speaking up, navigating nuance, and shaping ideas in the moment isn’t always easy. Sometimes people just need a nudge. Here are a few ways you can support your team or peers on your next call in building that muscle:
Let’s say someone has more context than you but hasn’t jumped in, backchannel and shoot them a quick DM on the side in Slack or Teams.
“Hey, weren’t you working on X? Might be worth chiming in.”
If louder voices are dominating the room, create space for others. Say your piece, then pass the mic:
“Actually, Alex has been closer to this—want to share your take?”
And afterward, reinforce it:
“Loved what you shared in the meeting.”
If someone didn’t take feedback well, bring it up 1:1 and reframe it:
“I heard it as X—how did you take it?”
These might seem like small moments, but they compound. That’s how confidence builds and how culture shifts.
Put it into practice
Turn that “I should’ve said something” moment into real‑time courage.
Separate the idea from the person. Treat every proposal as a draft, not an ego extension. Challenging the work doesn’t equal challenging the teammate.
Anchor your pushback in lived experience. Start with “In my last launch…” or “When we tested this with X segment…” so people see the data or reasoning behind your viewpoint.
Surface the missing puzzle pieces. Add the “why”. The user pain, the business constraint, the downstream impact. Shared context grounds discussion with real experiences so the team can learn from the past.
Model calm curiosity. If tension spikes, don’t mirror it. Ask, “Walk me through how you got there?” Understanding their path lowers defenses and raises the conversation.
Spotlight silent insight. When you know a teammate has the goods, tee them up: “Alex, you ran point on the prototype, mind sharing what you saw?”
Healthy discourse is essential for building stronger teams. Sharing new approaches doesn’t just shape better outcomes, it also opens doors. It’s how you build influence, demonstrate expertise, and lead in a way that reflects your unique point of view.